Monday, March 3, 2008

Did you watch Dr. Phil?

If so, what did you think? I thought it was okay. I don't think my dad was given enough time to get his points across. But I guess that is why it is called the Dr. Phil show and not the Sex Ed show.

I don't understand the "scare tactic" debate. Does Dr. Phil really think that my dad was saying you would get a STD by shaking someone's hand? Come on, Dr. Phil!

I can only speak for myself, but I never felt scared out of having sex and I don't think that most of the kids that choose abstinence after hearing my dad speak are scared out of it either. Even so, if it is the so called "scare tactic" that works, what's so bad about that?

For any of you that have heard my dad speak, you know that it is not all about the scare tactics, but about respecting and valuing yourself enough to make good decisions in your life.

I thought this quote from Shelby was particularly....umm, interesting: "When you say something about young women, how they don't respect themselves, and things like that...well, how can you say that when you sit here and say it's the only thing that's worthy of them is their virginity...that is the only thing that matters about them?"

First of all, the question (if that's what it was) didn't make sense. Even if it did, when did my dad ever say that virginity was the only thing that mattered? I have heard the abstinence talk at least dozen times, and I've never heard him say that it was the only thing that mattered. In fact, I have heard him say quite the opposite - that if you aren't a virgin, you can start over and have a second chance.

The point that is trying to be made by those that don't agree with abstinence education is that it doesn't work. The truth is that it does work for some kids. I am living proof of that. Of course it is not going to work for all kids, especially if their parents don't value virginity. Like TD Jakes said on the show (and I know this is what my dad believes as well), the power should be in the parents' hands, not the schools and the churches.

Ultimately, it is the parents that have the responsibilty to instill values and morals in their children so they know it is not acceptable to have sex at such a young age. Unfortunately, a lot of parents aren't doing their job and that is the real problem with the issue at hand. Again, like TD Jakes said, it is not even a faith issue, it is crazy to think children having sex is okay!

Overall, I'm glad that my dad took a stand for what he is passionate about and didn't back down. Not that I ever thought he would. I just wish that his two segments hadn't been so rushed and he had the whole show to get his message across. After the taping of the show, he said that it went by very quickly and he could not remember most of what was said. He was a little nervous about how he would be portrayed when the show aired, but I think it turned out good for the most part.

I would be interested to "hear" any thoughts you have if you saw the show!


Rachel Roberson said...

Hey, I watched the show, and I thought that your Dad was great. I felt like Dr. Phil really wasn't very nice to him, and it made me mad. I agree with everything that your Dad said, and I agree with everything that he says during his abstinence speeches. (which by the way, I have heard a few times myself) I was proud of your Dad for standing up to him and standing firm on what he believes. I know that your Dad isn't wasting his time giving these speeches, and I know that because of the Lords work through his speeches, many hearts have been spared the pain that comes with giving up your virginity before marriage. So, tell your Dad that I thought he did a great job in the short amount of time Dr phil gave him to argue his point.

Jennifer said...

You don't know me, but I used to teach at Frenship Junior High and was very excited about the talks your dad would give. I think one of the greatest things about his talks was that it got the kids talking. Many students would return to class with questions, some I would field some I would let there parents field. But none the less they were thinking and talking and I know it made a difference in many of their lives. I say KUDDOS to your dad.

Anonymous said...


I love this! Kuddos to SexEd for standing up for this.

I've heard your dad speak many times. I think that the "scare tactics" that were talked about on the show are absolutely necessary. Despite what kids think, there are reasons why minors are called minors. It's because they don't possess the capability to comprehend the responsibilities and consequences that come along with many life decisions, including sex. Take it from me, who thought that they could decide at 14. Big mistake.

Now with that being said. I am more of the opinion that there is more of an age to get to before making those decisions rather than "you MUST be married before you have sex." I think that more people would wait until marriage if they waited until they were at that age of maturity where they were thinking with their head and not what's between their legs.

I think that kids today are being bombarded with sex from every angle. TV, Music, Friends, etc. Why not everyone work together and empower them with information about reasons to wait a while from every angle as well? Teach Abstinence. Have health classes that teach the truth about pregnancy and STD's. And as your dad says... people make mistakes. We've got to do what we can to prevent the mistakes.. but love and help the ones that do screw up. I don't think that sending your kids out the door with a condom is anything but condoning the situation. If sex is an option... as a parent do more to supervise your kids...

I guess what I am trying to say is that not any one particular strategy works for all kids... so why not do them ALL?

Denae said...

Rachel - I think Dr. Phil was mainly just playing devil's advocate, because he obviously wasn't thrilled about the 14-year-old having sex either. I think he was also probably thrown a little off guard because he isn't used to anyone challenging him like that on his own show. You aren't the first one to tell me Dr. Phil wasn't nice, and while I don't disagree, I think he gets paid to be that way, so it didn't bother me too much.

Jennifer - Thanks for commenting! I was never actually in a school that he spoke at, but many of my friends (like Rachel) were and I know it made a lasting (positive) impression because they were still talking about it years later!

Anonymous said...

I was very proud of Ed. I have seen the courage it takes to take a stand like that. I can't imagine things that I say being criticized and seen in front of the world. One thing that he did try to get across is that he cares about the hearts of teenagers who are being broken through sex. The thousands of letters that he gets really is what drives him to continue to make a difference against much opposition. I was very frustrated with Shelby because she just sat there and lied big time! The ONLY time that she was part of our youth ministry was when she was there being videoed for "The Education of Shelby Knox". By the way in that documentary they made it look like Ed was her youth pastor. She seems like a very confused young lady and I am praying for her. I can't really tell what she believes in at all. Which brings me to my last thing on the subject, I really do not understand people like the 14 year old's mother who fight for their kids to do something that is going to hurt them! If a parent is not going to protect their own child then who is? By the way Denae, I am really proud of you also!!! You have spared yourself and Chris a lot of heartache by making great choices!

Denae said...

Natalia – As a parent, you have the right to teach your child whatever you want (and by you, I mean parents in general). You can give them any and all information. Obviously, teaching them something is better than nothing.

Schools can’t teach the “but if you do have sex…” approach because it is undermining the parents’ role. Not to overuse the fire illustration, but you don’t teach a small child how to play with fire, when the parents should be at home teaching the child not to play with fire at all. It sends mixed messages. Is it okay to play with fire or not?

Unfortunately, not all parents are teaching their kids that it is not acceptable to have sex at such a young age. If the community came together on that one issue and supervised their kids better, I truly believe we would see a difference.

I don’t have a teenager yet, so I may be too idealistic, but I think that you have to send your child out the door with a condom because he is going to have sex anyway, you have bigger problems. And what would I be protecting him from? STDs, maybe? What about the spiritual and emotional consequences?

The bottom line is that the standard must be raised. Teenagers having sex should not be acceptable, and they should not be taught otherwise.

Now, whether or not adults should have sex outside of marriage is really a different topic in my mind. I believe the reasons for abstaining are the same, but parents no longer have the role of making sure their unmarried adult kids aren’t have sex. It is now up to the adult to take what they have been taught in their teenage years and apply it to their life as an adult. But again, it starts with the parents!!

Sarah said...

I watched the show a few hrs later on tevo and wish it was called the "the Sex Ed" show. I thought he wasn't given enough time to get his point across! But He didnt back down and made great points in the short time he was given. WOO-HOO Ed! He did a good job and was the only one up there that was concerned about the whole-ness of teenagers having sex. Everyone else was talking about how they are going to do it anyway and didnt seem to care about the heart issue involved in pre-marital sex. The 14 year old girl was so sad! I know your dad wanted to get her aside and tell her she was worth more than that!

Anonymous said...

Denae, I agree with you that kids should not be taught that sex is ok. Which is why I made the statement that "Despite what kids think, there are reasons why minors are called minors. It's because they don't possess the capability to comprehend the responsibilities and consequences that come along with many life decisions, including sex." So once they are an adult they can choose. Which is basically the issue of sex outside of marriage that you were mentioning. I also agree that parents need to do more to "scare" their children away from sex until they are adults. I don't mean tell them it's yucky or not fun.. but teach them about consequences, both physical and emotional. Parents today don't do enough teaching that for every choice there is some type of consequence or reward.

You know my mom... she taught me Abstinence and I sat and listen to your dad many times. I, like many teens, thought I knew it all and did it anyway because I thought I had to to "keep" the guy.

I'm not saying that I disagree with ANYTHING that you or your dad is saying, at all. I'm saying I think kids need to be taught in depth why they should abstain as well. 1. pregnancy 2. STD's 3. heartache 4. sex sucks unless both people are committed to the relationship and love each other equally and are equally willing to please each other (which most of the time is marriage) 5. teens aren't capable of comprehending this kind of love (Which is why I support the education classes at schools)

I hope you aren't taking this as me arguing with you. I respect your dad and what he does. I agree. I also know that not everyone listens so parents should use every single tactic they find necessary (short of handing their kid a box of condoms and telling them to have fun - which is appalling to me)to prevent the unnecessary heartache that under age sex brings.

I am a living testimony to this.

Anonymous said...

I watched the show and I agree that it seemed like Ed was very rushed by Dr. Phil! That being said, I believe that your dad is a great man of God and the Holy Spirit was there despite the fact that Dr. Phil didn't seem to get his major points! I wonder if Dr. Phil is a believer because it made perfect sense to me! I have heard Ed speak several times on abstinance and he only wants the best for teens in trouble. He has effected thousands if not millions of lives (including mine)with his positive message! That girl that was on the show talking about "Scare Tactics" is probably very rebellous and just needed someone to blame! I think Ed did an Awesome job and even if he didn't have much time to explain his points in detail I'm sure it made some people stop and think. I hope Ed keeps doin' what he's doin' because true believers understand his message and hopefully nonbelievers will get it someday. Like you said in your blog his message worked in your life and many others so he's definetely doing what he's meant to do! If his message doesn't work for everybody that's ok because I believe Ed has done way more good than the opposite! If some kids don't get it because of rebellion or pride than at least Ed did his part in The Book of Life! Love you guys and best of luck with everything!

Denae said...

Oh no, Natalia. I didn't take offense to anything you said. I was just trying to further the discussion by responding to your thoughts. Sorry if it was taken in any other way!

Anonymous said...

Well, you know how I feel about this whole thing. I also think Ed was rushed and could not get his point across without Dr. Phil butting in and saying hold on or whatever. I was very disturbed by the 14 year old and her mother. What is this world coming to? That breaks my heart. I really tried to think if I even REALLY understood sex at 14, and while I knew what it was, I didn't understand it. How could you at 14? I understand that some people are not given the right information like us about abstinence. Like our parents always teaching us what is right and for me listening to your dad all those years at school, at your house, and at Church. His words has a lasting affect on me. I remember literally being made fun of in college when people found out I was a virgin at 20 years old and wore my Christian fish ring. I was horrified, because these people called themselves Christians too. I was not afraid to say yea, I am a virgin. Not that it was anyone's business, BUT I am not afraid to say it and stand up to it and be proud of it. Obviously I am married now, and can honestly say, that Nathan was and will be the ONLY one for me! Several of my friends felt as if their hearts had been ripped apart from having sex. Dr. Phil has to understand that. Surely he does! Does he not know what your dad is saying about playing with fire? What about the girl Dr. Phil would give a condom to and say use this and she does and she wakes up the next day and suffers the affects of what she did and what the guy gave to her and how he told her he loved her and then she never hears from him again? The condom didn't protect her heart. This segment just upset me with the 14 year old and then Shelby. I am not sure what she was saying at all. Anyway, we just had a discussion in my class a week before this about if abstinence should be taught or should we tell kids everything and give them condoms? It was disturbing to see there that most people were saying give them condoms and tell them all about sex. "They are going to have sex either way when they want too, so give them protection." There were only a few that said teach abstinence. :( OK, I am done I think.

Katie said...

I didn't see the show, was at work.., but I have to say it's refreshing to see another young Mom with these views. I hope to instill the same values in Dillon as you do in Will. May the force be with us :)